I have been lucky enough to have been in two relationships with men who were incredibly romantic. I’m talking sunsets on the beach, roses, horse and carriage and love letters wrapped in red silky ribbons. I know, they sound like characters from a Nicholas Sparks novel while I am more Amy Schumer in ‘Trainwreck’, romance just ain’t really a thing that I find easy to do. And I think it stems from this feeling deep down that I don’t deserve it. So while this year I may be single, I’ve decided I don’t need a man to make myself feel loved.
Tonight I am going to be home alone (In an empowering, non sad way) and I fully intend on making the most of it. I have left over veggie spag bol, garlic bread and some kind of alcohol filled torte to make my belly feel loved, Sex and the City for my soul and an aromatherapy love based balm for my little nostrils. This may not be on everyone’s agenda but I am also going to journal to get some thoughts out of my head and think about them more rationally.
I am always so supportive of others but when it comes to myself, I am brutally derogatory. If I haven’t worked the hardest out of everyone I know, I work ten times harder to make up for it. At 22, I am not where I thought I would be in life, so I am very angry at myself for not getting there. And recently, I lost respect for myself and as a result put myself into dangerous and careless situations because I didn’t put my own health and happiness higher than that of others. Which is another reason why I am remaining single, I really need to sort this mess out and learn to love myself before anything else.
So there are steps I need to take to make the rest of my year one more filled with self love because Valentines Day is all year round guys and I think it can fit onto 3 categories.
Urgh, wanky right? Yep. Important? Absolutely. It could be the fact that I am a 20 something millennial who so desperately wants to know her purpose but lately I’ve been wondering who I actually am. Do I like the things I say I do, or is it just a habit I developed when I was younger? What do I really want my life to represent and am I taking steps towards that? So many questions and I’ll be honest, I am yet to answer them. For those of you in the same boat as me, asking yourself these questions are the first step. I would recommend journalling every evening, even if you think you have nothing to say. Write about about how you feel, what made you happy, and any thoughts that pop up. It may not seem like much, but it will equate to big steps in figuring out who you really are.
Taking care of myself
I’m talking the little things we all say we do, or should do, but never actually prioritise. I’m talking 3 litres of water a day, less foods that make us feel rubbish (says the girl carb loading tonight) and more exercise that makes us happy. Taking care of yourself shouldn’t be something you dread or feel like you have to do, it should be a positive step to make yourself feel good. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to survive on tiny salads and spending an hour at the gym every day. It means finding a sport you enjoy (for me yoga, swimming and walking) and eating foods that taste good while doing good. Always choose your happiness first.
I am a stingy bitch. While I spend a lot of time and money buying presents for others, you will never find me buying myself something I desperately want unless it is on sale and even then, it’s rare. I almost talk to myself like a little child ‘You don’t need it, you have dresses at home, those flowers will only day in a day or two anyway’. Then the other day, I bought myself a plant, a little aloe vera one, and it made me indescribably happy. And then I went out to run errands and had a turmeric latte as I watched the crowds go by. Two very small, and probably to many of you, insignificant purchases that make me feel treated. I may need to work on the whole feeling of guilt but it was a big step to just treat myself without needing to justify it.
What self love tips do you guys practice?